How to be a Woman on Ghanaian Social Media

In this internet age where it is very easy to forge online friendships, engage in discussions and follow the news and trending topics behind a smart phone, it has become increasingly difficult to engage in meaningful discourse where differing opinions are entertained without experiencing abuse from other interlocutors. Many women especially have been targets of online abuse for their opinions and their refusal to shy away from questioning the status quo. Some women who use social media through certain strategies like to think that they are able to avoid online abuse and still manage to stay relevant in the twittersphere. Others like activists who refuse to be muted are constantly ridiculed, chastised, body-shamed and slut-shamed for their “unconventional” opinions on social, political, religious and gender issues. Here is a list of things some women do in order to avoid online abuse, whether it works is a different story:

1. Stick to the safe topics: Choose one of several topics like football, entertainment news, TV shows, good music, fashion etc. You will make a lot of male friends as a football aficionado because they respect you for not being “like all the other girls”. However, you are not totally safe from bashing, even here. Some men will still think that you just don’t love football for the sake of it; you pretend to love it because it will endear you to men.

You can talk about the royal baby, Kate Middleton’s hairstyle or Beyonce’s dress at the MET Gala. You will enjoy this not for very long because you will eventually get called out for being a wannabe. Do not stray from the safe topics. Here, when your opinions are challenged, in most cases it’s done good-naturedly.

2. Respectfully disagree with men so as not to bruise their fragile egos: Always remember that people are twice as likely to be offended when you don’t agree with their views just because you have a vagina. If ever you disagree with a male, remember to coddle them and reinforce the “validity” of their opinions before you present your view. If you don’t follow these unspoken rules of conduct, you will lose your status as a lady. And let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be called a lady.

3. Do not talk smack about patriarchy: You are not allowed to speak against the institutions that keep women in oppressed and marginalized positions. It is not good because you will be upsetting tradition as we know it thereby yanking out the cushion of patriarchy from underneath many men. You will in effect be taking away all the privileges enjoyed by many men. You cannot all of a sudden expect your partner to start helping around the house even though it only makes sense that he does since you both work 9-5 jobs. Keep quiet and suffer, that’s what womanhood is all about, after all don’t we get rewarded by being praised for our ability to endure pain, multi-task and get work done within short amounts of time?

4. Be ready to be schooled on how to run your own show: If you are any kind of activist, you will get unsolicited opinions from people (mostly men) on how to do your activist work. First of all, many of them do not believe in your cause and would rather dedicate their 140 characters to undoing what you have worked hard to achieve. Respectfully listen to them and praise the depth of their knowledge and versatility.

5. Bash other women: One of the surest ways to get male approval on GH social media is to bash other women. This you can do in a variety of ways; insult them for being ungodly, bash them for not achieving what you have achieved, chide them for hiding behind feminism to be sluts, ridicule them for being over 30 and unmarried, advise them against challenging men of God by threatening them with barrenness; it’s an endless list. This automatically places you on a higher and holier pedestal (in the eyes of your suitors), only with this would you have asserted your marriageability.

6. Get on the #marriagematerial trotro: Subscribe to traditional gender roles that keep women grounded in the home. Talk about how important it is for a woman to be a good cook. Constantly establish ties between a woman’s self worth and her sexuality plus her ability to keep a home. Challenge other women’s womanhood on the basis of their clothing choice, social lives and generally the choices they make. Be judgmental, be very very judgmental.

7. Make yourself more endearing and approachable by endlessly using terms of endearment with everyone even if you don’t want to. Call everyone sweetie, hun, dear, bae etc. And oh, you are going to get called bae a lot. You will smile and pretend to like it because, let’s face it you could be called worse; like “too known” or “an asala giver”.